2015 has been a very challenging year. Compared to the other two years of high school, 2015 has been a year which taught me to think more further & matured-ly. Everything was beyond expectations, the fact that I stood up alone but fiercely. I never bother what people thought of me. How I managed to improve myself, my relationship with Allah swt & my relationship with my parents as well as friends, teachers. It was all depends on me all along. the steps were countless, but I knew i've got it. How I was worried about my friends. How friendship was a second choice, but yourself is the one you need to care about first.
Immature fights & dishonesty has a lot to do with teenage life. But that wasn't a big deal. My storyline was a bit different. So as you know I'm one of the band member of Seri Puteri Winds. & This band has like achieved so many things, which I'm really grateful. But I was really in a dilemma when it comes to this, I just I'm not sure if I can afford to continue the journey of being a trumpeter for another two years. It's just the things inside are really tough. & I do not believe in myself in this. It's hard. Its complicated & you'll never understand. \
Moving forward, I had a huge exam coming through which was known as PT3. My results wasn't thate excellent as you thought a boarding school student would get. Mine was similar to those normal high school students. Yeah, that was it. But of course I myself have my own target, which point will i try to achieve and other such. As there was class streamings after midterm test. I seated in third class with Rhaudah. My one and only partner. It was really tough as the struggles begun. You know when everyone wanted to be on top & you had to put on effort on your own because no one is there to help you but yourself. It all depends on you.
So as days goes by, you knew you had to score on your trials because thats the only benchmark you have in order to know how far your ability is. I studied like real
Then again I was ofcourse proud of myself as it was the first, after three years living in a not-so-smart school, I finally achieve something that I can be proud of and satisfied of. Everyone did not expect as well, like who the hell would you knw thought someone else who never scored, would actually score and get high ranked. but that was only on trials. so i try to be humble & try to get A+. I wanted to. I have to.
Days to PT3 are the days where people try to help each other, and the days where you know you're time isn't enough. Time is what you need all the time. Nice ey? so a week before pt3, I would always act normal everytime there's a big exam. But this time, I couldn't take it. i cried myself out, I realized how stupid I was. How effortless I was, how little time there is left. i cried, thinking about how the hell can I answer those papers, Everything is just impossible. I cant do this. I cant.
But to be really honest, from the start of 2015, my target was always 8As. Because I knew, I couldn't score for mathematics and science. Its just too hard.
I knew I had to seek for knowledge and comprehension. I had to seek for it by myself. Who else would if its not me? so I had to ask a lot of people, as there's a lot of smartass people in the school. like i said again, it all depends on you. if you move, you're good. you're lazy, you're doomed.
For maths, what I did was basically do module and such. Restarting all the syllabus all over again because you knew you had to understand one by one.
So the first day of pt3, I was expecting my dad would come. Like seriously, I was searching for him like everywhere. & when we recite our doa together, I can't take it , so I cried. I cried not because I was nervous, but i cried because my dad wasn't there. no one was there to give support. I was unenthusiastic. & ofcourse it was really hard for me to stop crying. Who'd ever thought someone like me would cry on the first day of PT3? No one would. I'm motivated. I knew I was. not until pt3 came.
BM was nice, I had fun writing essays, and such. it was nice. Mathematics was unexpectedly good, alhamdulillah. First day went really well. & all I thought was "Ya Allah, kau berikanlah ketenangan kepada hatiku, kau berikanlah kekuatan ingatan kepadaku, kau lapangkanlah dada ku & kau luaskanlah pemikiran ku" That was my prayer for the year. Use it, it will be very useful! Unexpectedly my dad came to my school that evening, and yeap. He woke up late so he did'nt get a chance to come to myself that morning. Alhamdulillah he came that evening, and it calms me even more.
English and science for second day was really hesitant. I literally overwrite my english essay and i did not realize it until i needed extra papers. & shit. Science was worst. I just went blank. and that was it. so again, I redha. I was grateful enough I answered the papers. I try to forget all those things. next day, it was PAI and KH. All I thought was these are the papers that I should score. & yes, KH went very well. PAI was satisfying.
PT3 ended. & I know I'm relieved. All the struggles, and such. I'm finally free. woah, form 3 is going to end soon & I better get ready.
We knew our marks for each papers now, but the things is, we dont know the grade. Tomorrow is 14 december, and we will finally get our results. So here we go, turn the spirit on! Tovaris 1317, I knew you did great. We would always "save the best for the last" right? Prove them wrong guys. InsyaÁllah!