is it me or i'm feeling a bit dull. maybe not a bit but TOO DULL.
is it because i just realize how useless it is to wait & wait?
how waste of time is it to give a very huge hope to the people that we trust when they never gave the same to us? it dishearten me seeing how it's slowly fading away. and the worst part is, no one is aware of what's happening.
i can't blame them for being like that.
i'm just blaming myself for believing.
i regret every single thing,
though i knew earlier that things wouldn't work out but for the sake of them
i made myself believe that its going to be okay.
and at the end of the day, it's not.
it also upset me knowing that they never cared.
they knew, i know that.
i'm sorry for not telling how i felt these days,
it's just i never felt like telling.
but you guys never cared like knowing.
it honestly hurt,
maybe not little but a lot,
i can't bare to face these kinds of things again,
i never wanted to face this by my own
because basically all those bullshits earlier that i faced
we faced together
you cheered me up
you made me stronger
but then we went for different paths
maybe one of us were wrong
but of course neither of us would admit whose fault was it
but its okay
indeed it is difficult,
it's even more difficult for me to accept things the way it is
it takes time.
you have to do the same way too.
its as if like,
i own a few pills that i have to take everyday
and of course there's always an emergency pill
there goes the everyday pill i always take which is happy pill
and suddenly things got worse that i had to take the emergency pill
which was the sad pill
me myself recovered from the emergency kind of thing
but things arent the same that
i had to take the sad pill everyday
things changed
but i'm sure we can change it back.
but then again i said, none of us has an effort.
none of us cared like we used to.
they said "we grew older, we never care, we forgotten."
each of us has their own (GOALS) [?]
which leads them to whatever they want to be
without bringing the ones who've helped them
through thick and thin
i apologise on what ive said and what i'm going to say
apparently people will never be the same
they change when the times come
when the wound wouldn't heal
when the tears wouldn't stop
& when the people wouldnt care
this is true. you know it too.
they thought it was a joke,
but i said,
life is a joke
you said we could talk
but i said,
i regret believing in friendship
i said life goes on.
you agreed.
my happiness came from the ones i love,
but there's no one left.
you said you'd give a shoulder whenever i needed
but is it possible when i rlly need it i had to search for it myself?
you shouldve been with me all the time.
and not only when you're jst bored?
i'm sorry i never get straight forward to these things,
it's meant to be bent.
just as soon as you read this,
i cant really try to give a guess what do you feel about me
or about this whole thing?
but i was never hoping either.
am i that brave? no.
do i care? yes.
am i disappointed? totally.