hey, assalamualaikum everyone's greetings from alien. hihi.
how're you guys been doing? me? alhamdulillah, everything's fine. is it thaaaaat odd to see me being happy when I update my post? is it? yes? no? haha, honestly I am. maybe the sad feelings weren't as bad as it was dulu. soo, I basically don't have any purpose to update this post but hey I do now. I feel like telling how my life went day by day. So here it goes.
My life went better than before, alhamdulillah. That's why i've been so grateful. basically it's because, there's so many chaos that happened in school, i never wanted to tell because its like 10 books of Harry Potter maybe? hahaha. those normal things when I kept on fighting with my classmates and yeah basically everyone. so, I thought that I had to make a change. I tried thinking positively, 'why am I here?' 'why am I wasting time?' and then I remembered, my parents my family. It all made me end with tears.
On that particular time, I was actually fighting with the whole of my dormates, stressing out with band, and trying to catch up with studies. How is that even possible? ya Allah, you can never imagine. How I was like in the dorm, in the band room even in the class. I was yoo you know tired to actually act to myself, to them. they backstabbed me a lot, and i was hurt. they created negative stories about me, which i don't like. it was a huge chaos, i had to tell. one time, they wrote a note to me, ya Allah. It was heartbreaking. Undescribe-able. at that moment, I really felt like crying. But then my dad was there, but when it comes to a real tear, tears are always tears.
A few days later when I thought I had to think positive and change every single attitude I have, then I tried. But I didnt start a thing when my dormates were all being nice to me. Oh, I was surprised. But then it gets better, with the school, with band. with class when I thought I had to make a speech and tell them how I really felt about all of these. and I did it.
I did a speech to my class that one night when I thought that I had to express everything to them. I never want to shed a tear, but again. Tears are always tears. so then, i was thankful to have friends that understands when I need them, and to those who still thinks i'm a nastypigass then there you go. Being friends alone. I'm here to change, and then you're all being bitchy and stuffs. Whatever you want.
okay enough, so based on what happened. I learned, to be nice to people which I couldn't apply dulu, because I was to ego with everyone, with myself. I couldn't accept to have a life there, that's why. But when I tried being nice to those people, realized that, they've been having hard times too. Like how I had.
and again, that night, i was honestly being so positive that I don't believe that it was me talking. i never thought that i could give out all those words just like that and on the same time smiling, that's beyond impossible to some of the people. but i believe to myself, that i'm strong enough to face these challenges by my own. because no one understands, and no one ever will.
they only came to listen to our stories and judge. they only come to us and listen, but couldn't bother to help. they only come and listen but don't know how to help. it's all the same, from strangers, friends, bestfriends. Yeah, I thought that if I make all of these as a book with full of chapters, it would be great. I kept on saying to them " start a new chapter, and smile" it's the main thing.
when you tend to stop yourself and look around you, try creating a roller coaster behind it, and look how it goes. what goes around, comes back around. but you'll never know when. we dont always get what we want, instead we get what we need. like how I started band, I always want to play the saxophone and clarinet but then I ended up playing trumpet. you'll always get what you need, don't worry.
Exam's coming real soon, so here we go again. Catching things real good now. good luck to me guys, struggling real hard. Thank you and you're welcome! x