so basically i'm a girl who have feelings. i'm sensitive as well. here i'm tryna tell you guys, the fact that i'm not really comfortable with my life in high school. I mean like, i'm serious. i couldn't get my own focus of me being in high school and no more in primary school which i couldn't even accept it yet. and most probably my friends weren't here beside me is one of the reasons why i don't have my focus with me. i don't get any support when i'm down , and that made me feel devastated. going to an excellent school thinking am I even worth to be in here. i'm not as intelligent as those students. whenever my maths teacher teaches maths (obviously) i couldn't get what she's teaching as fast as the other students do. what i was thinking was "i wish cikgu aznam was here to actually teach me slowly" but hey i'm in another school now and i'm in seri puteri, one of the top school in Malaysia. but still, i couldn't even be like those students. to me, people underestimating me about my studies, and all those stuffs, are basically because i'm not worth it here in seri puteri. my other best friends, alhamdulillah, most of them are in those top schools and im proud of them. so here it is, honestly, when i first stepped sekolah seri puteri, my thoughts were different. i was so excited to meet new friends, and i thought i could be myself with them, i even felt excited to introduce my new friends to my best friends, but after a while some thing happened and it didn't really went like what i wished. and about school? i always thought that those teachers like puan hanisah, ckgu aznam, cikgu tuan ismail, cikgu zulkifli exist in seri puteri, but basically there aren't one. and most of the teachers that teaches me makes me feel sleepy in class. if i'm in sk taman melawati 2, its a normal thing to be noisy in class and such, but in seri puteri. even if you talk like normal, that will be called as noisy. at first, i don't get why is it like that, but then i think again, i'm not in sk taman melawati 2 anymore. the rules here, are way different than my old school. and until now, i still think tht im in sk taman melawati 2. i could feel the spirit of SSP, but not everytime. only on certain times. as time goes by, i realized that middle school isn't the place that we can have fun, and play like we always do in primary school. it is wayyy more different and the word different will always be used in this post. so basically, i thought searching for friends in boarding schools are way easier because you know, they're smart, they can think maturedly, but hey, it's also as hard as how we search friends in a normal high school. and i swear, i have problems on finding friends. i couldn't even find a trusted friend here in ssp. maybe because i couldn't accept how they are. how smart they actually are. and the fact that i'm that choosy little girl. but that's for my own best. even though it is only abt three months since i entered ssp, there were sooooo many fights between me and some of 'em friends in ssp and i'm not even proud of it. i'm ashamed. because what i thought was having new friends, laughing here laughing there, but what happened was completely different. trust me, you can't count how much did i cried there. at first i thought i'd be that strong girl , i'd be that person who still can take everything as a small challenge for Allah, but days went by, the challenges went soo hard and what i did was crying and prayed to Allah. and it was very hard because i didn't have any friends to share and express my feelings with, that's also one of my challenges. and i need to prove to all of my friends that i'm strong enough to face through all these by myself. the fact that i cried soo many times in front of my friends, my family, sister, mum, dad, but i know, i can. the only reason i know why am I still here in seri puteri and why didn't i move to another schools is that, I've always have been thinking positively about every thing and honestly, i'm proud of it. Alhamdulillah, my hope is that i'll continue my life in seri puteri until i'm in form 5. and i'll be the head student of seri puteri, one day. insya'Allah. for at least, i wanna be a prefect in seri puteri one day. amin amin. my stories here are not clear but i hope you guys could understand how hard it is to enter a very high performance school, and the fact that i'm just a normal student who got lucky and got offered to ssp. Alhamdulillah for that, alhamdulillah for every thing. Still looking forward for a change, and I want me myself to be better. those who read, do pray the best for me. this post might not hv anything to do with you guys, but i hope it is useful to motivate you guys.. insya'Allah. assalamualaikum, and i hope you had a pleasant reading . x